Maybe You Can’t Plan Your Plan

Since I’ve been home for the summer, I’ve been thinking a lot about this “plan” we’re supposed to be following.

There’s so much pressure to make sure you’re doing all the right things, but what exactly are those right things? They must be specific to each one of us, cause let me tell you, I keep trying to follow my “plan,” yet I constantly end up in a new direction. Who or what is designating these plans to us anyway!?

I’ll give you an example. Coming into college, I learned a lot about internships and all different views towards them: start early and get as many as you can, get one and stay there for awhile to grow, try different fields to explore your interests, but most importantly get one during your junior summer because that’s when it counts.

As a task-oriented rule booker (sad, but true), I took all that freshman advice to heart and got straight to work on my plan, and I’m still working! It has created this stigma at school that pins us against our peers in a competition of “who has the best internship” and “how can we incorporate the name of the company into some classroom response to tell others where we work”. Not only that, a pressure formed like a big cloud over my head, constantly egging me on to apply, apply, apply, with me never really knowing to where or for what.

Yes, I’ve had a few internships, and I’m so thankful to have learned so much at each one, but it felt like my mindset has been in practice mode for the championship: summer before senior year.

I have been gearing up since I came home from Sydney, looking at deadline applications, experience requirements, you name it. Honestly, it’s like applying to college all over again – at least for larger company programs. I applied to so many positions I lost count, and I know I am not alone in that among other upcoming college seniors. Yet, after fretting over the waiting periods, getting rejection letters, having to turn down positions because of no pay or location, nothing panned out.

I’m left wondering…How could I have failed? I have past experience, good communication in interviews, but yet I came up short. It’s not like I didn’t try! What did I do wrong? What could I have done better?

And then, I decided to turn things around.

I had this so-called “plan” to get an internship for this summer and have been eyeing it up like this is the real moment that counts. But, maybe my plan had me doing the exact opposite. Maybe you can’t plan your plan, if that makes sense. Or maybe you can, and I just have to learn to deal with rejection – different story.

Instead of groveling in shame and reading Facebook posts about others’ dream summer internships (though I have been doing the second one), I looked at this summer as an opportunity rather than a setback. Free time? Great! Yes, you’re thinking Netflix and sleeping past noon, but this summer I’m thinking writing, reading and learning about myself. Maybe I didn’t get those internships because I didn’t really know what I was applying for or what I want. Getting turned down gave me this time to consider what I do like and what I really would like to get out of an internship and/or future job.

I need to stop harping on the number of jobs I have vs. others and the brand-name companies so I can focus on me. I know it sounds cheesy, but I’d rather do something I’ve always wanted to do now instead of working a 9-5 I hated just to put it on my resume for the next opportunity. Endless cycle, is it not?

I’ve been treating life as a means to an end, trying to follow a strict plan, but I think I have to consider the “means” that make up my “plan” and enjoy them first.

Because there is no plan, I’m just creating it as I go.

When It’s All Said and Done

I can’t believe I’m already at the end. It’s surreal. It’s unbelievable. It’s bittersweet. Just hours until I journey home. This has been some of the best months of my life and I am so thankful to have experienced it all. I created a part of my life in this city! Now we have to pack up and move back to reality. Too much moving and shaking for me.

I don’t know how to put it all into words. In one semester, I’ve made new friends and travel buddies who explored the other side of the world with me, I interned at an awesome PR/communications agency and I got to live in one of the coolest cities in the world. I have so many memories to keep with me forever.

Study abroad taught me so much about myself. I lived more and worried less that is for sure. I didn’t waste time harping on my body; I ate, I drank, I soaked everything in. I lived out of a backpack, slept in a hostel, navigated four of the six Australian states, made friends with strangers, stepped out of my comfort zone, and so much more.

I loved every minute in Australia. From my BU roomies to the beautiful beaches, I’m going to miss every minute that I’m not here. It’s been a semester-long vacation. Yes, I can’t wait to be home, see my family, sleep in my own bed – all that good stuff, but, It’s hard to leave a place I fell in love with, even if I have a feeling I’ll be back.

The crazy amazing people I have met:

If you’re nervous about traveling abroad, you know you are making the right decision. I took a big leap and I fell in love. I can’t stop wanting to type “I’ll miss it here, I’ll miss it here” over and over.

It has been an easier way of life here: a balance between work and play, a more relaxed working environment, and a love for travel (more Aussies seem to travel outside of their own country without having even travelled their own! sounds like me…). Now it’s time to prepare for winter, American currency and driving on the right side of the road.  If there’s one thing I want to leave behind in this country, it’s my stress!

I might not come back with an awesome tan or an Aussie accent, but I’m returning with a love of life and a passion for travel. I will miss Australia so much. But don’t think this means I am going to stop blogging, I found a love for that, too. Get ready, USA, cause I’m road tripping you next!

— Madison